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I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

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If a man does his best, what else is there?

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

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In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

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I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

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Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

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The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

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Practiced citizens are the approaches what person most people generally perceive grumbling with regards to tax bill.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

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Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

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If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

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I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

The new Zune browser is surprisingly good, but not as good as the iPod's. It works well, but isn't as fast as Safari, and has a clunkier interface. If you occasionally plan on using the web browser that's not an issue, but if you're planning to browse the web alot from your PMP then the iPod's larger screen and better browser may be important.

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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

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I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

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War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

If a man does his best, what else is there?

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.

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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

היי אני רוצה להמליץ לכם על פסיכולוג קליני אשר מביא עבורכם שירותי ייעוץ וטיפולים פסיכולוגיים באיזור המרכז

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.